by Beth von Staats
As advertised on the front page of the website, to celebrate the release of Sarah Bryson’s brilliant biography Charles Brandon, the King’s Man, today is “Charles Brandon, Duke of Suffolk Day”. Typically when Queenanneboleyn.com highlights a book release or a Tudor Era historical figure, I will contribute an author interview, book review, or blog article. After all, I do take my role of administrator of this website seriously.
I post no fluff, ever — well, until today. Hey, don’t blame me. Sarah Bryson made me do it. Well, that is not exactly true. I guess I should be honest. Sarah Bryson simply gave me the excuse I needed.
I have a secret. Please don’t spread it around. I have a reputation to uphold in “the Tudor History blogosphere”. Though historically inaccurate in every conceivable way, I was and still am addicted to the Showtime series, The Tudors. Even though the series finished its run all the way back in 2010, on a rainy day I just might sign into Netflix and watch for the 100th time a few favorite episodes.
Why??? Like many women, I have a secret crush on Henry Cavill. Let’s face it, ladies and gentleman. This guy is serious eye candy, even beating out American football quarterback Tom Brady, Lord of the Rings. For all who know me, that is a HUGE deal. Screw the four-game suspension. Where I live, Brady is a demigod, the GOAT (greatest of all time).
Unlike Henry Cavill, however, Brady has no super powers, nor is he the friend of the omnipotent king. While Henry Cavill’s Charles Brandon caught the Queen of Portugal, Tom Brady had to settle for a super model. Forget the Super Bowl MVP Awards, rings, UGGS, Stetson cologne, and “scientifically explainable” deflated footballs, both the king’s best friend and Superman are portrayed by a Brit. What woman can pass on a handsome man with an English accent wearing tights?
Sometimes I do feel like a traitor. A native of Massachusetts, I should be more loyal. Not only did I brush aside “The Franchise”, Tom Brady is not the only patriot sent asunder. Ben Affleck, our beloved Bostonian, is Batman after all. He drops his “Rs”, just like I do. He loves the Dropkick Murphys, just like I do. He drinks his Dunkin’s and sprinkles jimmies on his ice cream, just like I do. I bet if Ben Affleck cleaned out his wallet, he would even find a Charlie Card.
Alas, the Oscar may be impressive, but Ben Affleck’s accent — and mine — was recently described by comedian Louis CK to not be an accent at all. He chided, “People call it the Boston accent. It is not an accent. It’s a whole city of people saying most words wrong. It’s just stupidity in a massive region.” Henry Cavill, on the other hand, has an English accent — not the Cockney one, not the aristocratic one, and not Liverpoolian one — you know, THAT English accent, the HAWT one.
So yes, today here at Queenanneboleyn.com, we are celebrating the remarkable life of Charles Brandon, Duke of Suffolk, warrior, diplomat, lover, father and athlete — faithful confidant of a king who trusted few, best friend of a king who kept his circle small. Do venture over to Sarah Bryson’s guest article exploring the forbidden love of Charles Brandon and Mary Tudor. It is simply delightful.
In the meantime, please do excuse my short “Henry Cavill diversion”. On “Charles Brandon, Duke of Suffolk Day”, it just had to be done. If not by me, who? If not now, when?