Here I am, in my last night on Earth; knowing that at dawn I must get ready to die; knowing that I am dying an innocent; knowing that is unfair and that is not a test of the King anymore. And yet… I have no regrets of how my life was lived.
I don’t regret anything… I had a beautiful childhood; my mother… how wonderful she was with me; she told me I was her shining diamond every day when she woke me up; she said I was wise for my age; and I will never forget her tears when I was ready to leave to the Netherlands; her tears were the last proof of her immense love for me.
Even my father was always kind and sweet with me, he always treated my sister and my brother different but with me… he was all smiles; I always knew I was special for him; because even when I was sometimes naughty, bad tempered and playful… he knew that my interest to learn was there and I never failed him in that.
My childhood, my adolescence, was based in learning… I learned how to be a lady at court, how to serve, how to smile, I learned how to be admired; I learned the important things in life; I learned the true meaning of faith; and that made me a different person inside.
I don’t regret my return to England… even when my father wanted me to take the place of my sister in the King’s bed. I was sure that I would find a way to escape that… I was wise enough to achieve that; even when my cruel and cold uncle was also behind the plan; I did not fear him; I knew I would have my way, but then…. I met the King; my soul met his; and I lost my will, my strength to escape. I started to follow a plan and I ended up loving him. I learned what passion was in his arms, I learned what love was in his kisses, in the sound of his voice, in the sweetness of his promises, in the power of his presence. I stopped being myself, and he captured my heart.
For his love… I learned how to be cruel, I learned to fight with low weapons, with dark elements… I lied, I conspired, I wished the worst to my enemies, I enjoyed their miseries, I laughed when they died… that cost me everything, God punished me, but yet… I don’t regret it; I was his queen thanks to all that, I was his thanks to all that; I became a mother, and I was the most happy, thanks to all that. Evil can bring good moments too…but alas, they never last; nothing that is build in the bases of evil can survive; nothing.
But I don’t regret it; I fell, but Elizabeth will stay; my sweet little girl, I know she will be fine, she is so strong, I saw in her eyes when I held her the first time. I know she will be Queen, and I know she will not hate me; even if she is forbidden to even remember me, I will live in her heart and in her memory; with true love; I know she will not believe the lies placed upon me.
May God Bless my sweet Elizabeth, may God allow that the crown be placed on her head one day, may life allow her to live long and happy, to find the love she deserves; to receive the devotion, admiration and respect of the people of England; may she honor her dynasty and rule with justice, kindness, strength, honor and in the true love of God.
The pain of seeing my brother die so cruelly, so bloody, so undeserved; is piercing my heart; but now… I don’t regret it either; he is free, free of all that turned him in to a cunning and ambitious man; sadly he became my father, and he paid the price just like me. But soon we will be together again, like in the old times; when we played for hours, when he came to my room and we shared our secrets; our special love, our pure friendship was never understood; and my enemies used it against me.
I will die soon, time never stops, the moon is already moving away and the sun will shine again, for me, it will be the last time; but I don’t regret it. I will die young, but in many ways I lived long; and I still call myself Queen of England.
In my heart I know, that even when he will scream out loud that he hates me; I know he will never forget me. Because I brought him back to life, I gave him a passion that I know he will never find in Jane Seymour; she will never give him what I gave to him; even if she delivers him a son; the love, the lust, the passion I gave to him, will always be there; burning his heart, torturing his memory; I know he loved me, my failure to give him a son made him to do this to me; his desire for a son is greater than the love he can feel for me or for Jane Seymour or for anyone else. All he wants is a son, and he is willing to even destroy the entire world to achieve that. Because Kings are first rulers than men; and Henry desires to be the most powerful King alive; but to achieve that he needs a son, an heir to show around; to be proud of.
I failed and he destroyed me; and strangely I do not hate him, sadly I still love him; with the same force, with the same passion.
I have no regrets, God knows that; and I hope He can understand and forgive me. I am innocent, I never betrayed my King; that keeps my soul clean right?
I have no regrets… not at all.