This is the longest night of my life; and to make all worst, is raining. Here, sitting by the window, contemplating the raindrops falling; I can compare them with my own tears. My life is so painful, why the heart is so capricious? Why I am not able to have control of my own feelings?
I am forced by duty and by honor to stay here; to serve the woman who enjoys the love of the man I desire with every fiber of my being; with all my heart. Live with this love, pretending everyday that all is fine. God knows I feel joy in my heart for the King, he is so happy now, he has so many hopes with his new marriage; but… I can not help to feel jealous.
The heaven is crying for me tonight, God knows how much I suffer, day by day. I am invisible to the man I love, and I will be like that forever; because there is no way he will get tired of Queen Anne; she is the commander of his heart; she knew well how to trap him in her web; and now… she has all that I can only dream to have.
The sound of the rain tempts me to dream, to close my eyes and escape to a fantasy. To a world when the King loves me, only me! I can not forget that dream I had; that dream… so powerful that I almost felt the warmth of his lips on mine, and the power of his arms around my waist. In that dream I was free to show him the immensity of my love for him. The King was mine and I was his; what a beautiful fantasy, what a painful desire.
Bless you rain, for making me company in this long night.